Oh to be that way again.....

I love the joy!

We are coming to the end of another year. 

 It will be my 39th time to pass into another.

I've seen a great many things happen in thirty nine years.  Some of my memories are filled with unfortuante sadness; but many are filled with sweetness, sunshine, laughter, and joy.  I have been blessed to have experienced so many wonderful things in my life.  This past year has had good and bad as have other years before it.  Something within won't let me dwell too long on the bad...I always will myself to push past those.  Instead I want to focus on the times this past year that made me laugh, made me sigh with happiness and breathe in all the goodness that God has allowed me to experience.   I want to cling to the good, the moments that were the best and favorite of the year.  We shall see what time will bring in 2010... As Judy Garland sings.."Next year on, our troubles will be out of sight".

Christmas Gift

This year we are having a "Charlie Brown" Christmas....

We've become such a society of consumers that it seems empty without piles of presents under the tree. 

My husband took time off of work to join me in Florida after the passing of my Mom and unfortunately the bills did not stop piling up while we were gone.  I am sure we are not the only family that is having a Christmas like this; in fact there are probably many families that have it much harder than us.  Families that are hoping  to have food, warm homes, places to sleep.  Families that are homeless.

Makes you really thankful for what you have.

Makes you ashamed for not being more thankful.

My husband knew I have always wanted a farm house table.

While I was in Michigan he started making one for me.

He took almost two hours picking out just the right boards.

He used the base from our old kitchen table which had an oval top on it and screamed

"I am from the 1980's!  I want to paint the apron and legs black and then find some different chairs to go with the table,  Maybe ladderbacks, or short round topped chairs...of course painted black and distressed.  I have picked out the color of stain, just waiting for him to find the time to get that done.

This is my Christmas present.

Not so "Charlie Brown" after all.

WOW

Last night I was treated to The Nutcracker Ballet.  I have never been to a ballet and I think it is safe to say that I am now addicted.  The music, costumes, set, props, and dancing was amazing.  The sheer strength and talent in the dancers was enough, but of course the whole production put together was just overwhelming.  Some scenes were playful, some mysterious, some romantic, some joyful...I loved it.  Of course we all have our favorites; and mine would be the dance of the snowflakes...the costumes were sparkling and lovely.  The atmosphere of that scene was dreamlike and you really did feel like you were watching a magical moment hidden away in a winter wonderland.  Once you see something so beautiful you are kinda ruined...I most definately will have to go again, and again, and again.

Trusting

Sometimes life just doesn't seem to make any sense.  Things happen that you don't understand and for that matter many things happen that you don't even like.  You are left wondering "Why did this happen"?  If you are not careful then you can start blaming God for these events...you get angry at Him and turn away from His help.  I know someone like this, actually now that I think about it, I know several people like this.  They so need God's comfort and help, but they just don't trust him enough to let him get close to them.  I don't understand many things that have happened in my life, but I do know that Proverbs 3:5 & 6 are real and true and important to live by.  I have had my fair share of trials, and I know that there will be more to come.  We live on earth, not in heaven...yet. I have learned to trust in the Lord, lean on His understanding, and acknowledge him as he directs my paths.  Sometimes the pathway is smooth and easy and lined with fragrant blooms, and other times it winds down into valleys so deep that you can't seem to notice any beauty and you feel so alone.  Yet, I know that He will never leave me or forsake me...and I will cling to that knowlegde as I prepare for the days ahead. 

resume

I've been sending out my revised resume.  It feels kinda good.  For a long while I was nervous about looking for a job.  It seems like in the emotional part of my brain I should be stuck in one place...the past...still greiving over the loss of my Mom.  I think about her all the time right now; memories flood my mind.  Yet I know that life does go on and I with it, being "stuck" is not an option.  The world goes on all around me even though I feel like it should have stopped for us to have time to go through the greiving process.  Time waits for no man..so I decided yesterday to just push on.  I am praying for just the right job, one that I will enjoy, make a decent amount of money at, and some benefits, as well as 5 days a week, holidays off, etc.  I want a cushy job like the one I left back in Houston.

Will be nice to help my husband out with the bills and start saving for our future.  Yeah, I think I'm ready.  Full speed ahead.

Where I'm at.

4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-



Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.


During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.

I see her teeth as she is laughing....and I miss that.